Three, Four, Five Generations, we are a lucky family.

How do families grieve? How does your family communicate about past generations? And, do we have to grieve, or is there a better way to say goodbye or not say good bye at all?

I wonder how many families have the opportunity to have five generations living at one time. Our family was a lucky one. I was sort of young to be a grandma, and so, the term "grandma" did not fit me well. And, with three other grandmas on two sides of a family who were alive at one time, when someone said "gran-ma" There was confusion as to which grandma should respond. So I jumped at this opportunity to be called "Nana" when my daughter asked me if that would be okay.

When I can get my computer equipment up, I'll post a picture of the five generations on my dad's side of the family here. It is an awe-striking tick of time when one sees a Great-great grandma hold their infant grandchild. We are lucky to have lived in an age of cameras and video! (Some people from poorer countries still do not have photo opportunities to pass down pictures of relatives.) Now we have the Internet to share images all over the world with each other. This is our time to tell real-life stories with pictures to pass down to loved ones. Even in this day and age, I have seen photos of 5th and 6th generations go right in the trash because no one knows their names or with whom they are related.

Fast-foward the clock to when a great-grand parent passes on, the fifth generation (the great-great grandkids so to speak) witness time behind the eyes of their elders with unaware sensitivity to how short life is because they have their whole life in front of them.

The fourth generation, who is closer to the second, will greive harder for it is the granparent who has an extra special bond with the children of their children. The special ties that allows us to be spoiled. As it should be because this is usually the longest bond that is all too short! It is the realiztion bond of how short life is. It is the bond where your grandparent (in my daughter's case) walked her down an isle and appluaded her at a graduation. You know in your heart and soul if it were not for them, you would not have existed.

The third generation, who experiences the loss of the 1st generation known to them, leads from their experience (bad or good but the best they could). Though your grandparents may have seemed old, you now know they weren't that old because your parents are now their age, and you are your parents age. Looking back, life is flashing in slow motion, but it feels like the Tiatanic is sinking. It's been one hell of a cruis--long but not long enough, and the eldest are simply not strong enough to hold on. They need a vacation from this adventure before they start the next. We all must go through the portal and we watch them lead the way.

We have them in our memories: Each generations has its funny, cooky, zanny or courageous or outrageous stories that may or may not get passed down to the younger family members. In many cases, it is only those stories that our successors have the chance to know their family history. Fortunately our family has some bits and pieces of information from 6 generations ago. But, bits and pieces are not enough to tell a complete story.

Yet, some of those small tidbits are significant! For instance, at my mom and dad's fiftieth wedding anniversary, the grandchildren had the sweetest and simplest things to say during the memorable toasts. They liked the way grandpa showed them how to eat oreos, or how he like to soak his shredded wheat until it is soggy. It's the idosyncrasies that people seem to remember the most. I still remember how one of my grandmas made me peanut butter and grape jelly sandwiches, the other made me creamy real butter and sugar sandwiches--Decadent and devilish now to think about eating. A lot of memories revolve around food and celebrations. And when you think about it, life is one big celebration. So how can we celebrate with the person who has to leave, we grieve.

It's the heart ache you feel when you leave a great job (life) and you know some people will never be in your life again. But, the truth of the matter is some people will and do keep in touch. And, the certainty is that significant experiences with people will never be taken away. They will always be in you memory, and buried deep in you heart, whether they were good or bad, happy or sad able to be voiced or not.

Maybe I am mistaken, but is there not enough literature or documentaries or movies on the subject of departing this world? Some how I think I would like to change that. I believe we are living in times where we can record our ancestory more accurately and infinitly pass true stories on to our grandchildren's children. "The writings are on the wall" already with the advent of Facebook and blogger pages. I believe we can help our children know where they came from and give them grounding like never before. "This is It;" we have the real opportunity to tell our stories that may live on for more than six generations. If you can't write it for yourself, hire someone who can. Interview your elders and capture the history they lived before their gone. Archive the cherished moments incase your memory fades. Find the purpose in their lives and yours and how each generation is affected by the former ones. What's in your wallet (photo album)? Don't regret not having spent time with them. If you did the best you could with the time you have had, there should be no regrets. If you believe in soul mates and re-incarnation that helps too. And if you know your loved one has faith in a supreme being and universal laws that sifts sand and lifts water to the sky, then your loved one will always be with you, in you and around you. Lean not on your understanding that this is not an end--but a new beginning.