Yesterday, I had a panic attack when it came to scanning my old resume onto my daughter's computer. If you don't have an autoimmune disease you may not understand the ramifications of a panic attack. A person with an autoimmune disorder may find their body revolting at the thought of a a stressful event. By the end of the day right after dinner, my day was done. I went to bed in pain and took all the herbs, meds and vitamins I could. In the middle of the night I had acid reflux which I have not had in years! Why, because my life style sucked yesterday: I ate way too late and went to bed early.
I took a yoga class for the second time yesterday and found it very difficult, but hey at least I was there and trying to do the poses. What I should have paid attention to is that small voice in side my head saying you don't need a six inch Subway tuna sandwhich; you only need a couple inches to be satisfied. So when am I going to listen to my mind to have control over my body? Today I tell you; I promise to do right by me and you! I have had better days, and I will show you from now on!
I have made a vow to blog seriously how we can manage to overcome degenerative diseases from my home to yours. I have diseases like Fibromayalgia, Sjorgren's Syndrome, and more. I am off to see the chiropractor now. Talk to you afterwards.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Well I am back from the doctors'. Apparently I have an infection in my throat and air ways. That explains why I am aching all over and fatigued and wanting food to comfort me. I am glad to know it's not me and my normalacy or maladies. Antibiotics will be started, and I should be back to my energetic self in a few days. However, I must say that they (the doctor) had me alarmed yesterday.
Yesterday, I had to have an MRI and CAT Scan because the doctor needed to follow up on an image of my spine (cervical area and brain, esp. the stem)taken 4 years ago. See each time I meet an efficient doctor they educate me more on Sjogren's and Fibromayalgia. Sjogren's has a great probability of turning into esophical cancer. Yikes is right to keep a close watch on me. There was suspicion of MS from 4 years ago that had to be ruled out, and it was cleared yesterday! But my lymphnodes under my jaw and on both sides of my neck are quite swollen and that is why I feel under the weather.
Now I am not alarmed. I will get to start antibiotics and expect the infection to go away. As a precaution they have ordered another cat scan in 7 days before my medical insurance runs out and full blood pannel tomorrow. My only alarm right now is what is going to happen in 8 days when I no longer can pay for Cobra ($1180 per month). I will be at the mercy of the new government plan.
So if I were to start counting how many days I may have to live, I expect at least 1000 more Saturdays. I would like to remain healthy through my 80s. (Maybe more) I will keep track of those Saturdays here on this blog to keep hope for people who have degenerative diseases or oxidative stress that cause inflammatory conditions like heart disease, diabetes, arthritis, etc.
There is a lot to be said for what we eat, nutritional supplements and activity. A prime model of healthy living comes from Jack LaLane. Did you know he is 97 years old this year? I need to implement his advice sooner than later. Juiceing is delicious but I can't afford to buy bunches of carrots, spinach, celery etc to put into one cup each day. So, I rely heavily on high quality vitamins and minerals and other optimizing agents. If I am going to have a prediposition, I am going to put up strong defenses! What are you predisposed to? Are you going to fight it or give into health problems?
There is another source of comfort and strength in a book that addresses our stresses that age us before our time and how we can connect our Body, Soul (mind), and Spirit. It is written by Dr. Ray Strand and Bill Ewing, called Living By Design. I firmly believe God has a plan for each of us and I want to live by mine. I want others to live by theirs. I want you who read this to be true to your master plan. I do not believe that God wants us to wither away in a rest home. If you are in a rest home, find your purpose for the time you have left. Find joy in living minute by minute. How many Saturdays will you get?
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Friday, April 30, 2010
Have Will Travel
I am giving this to all my family, friends and colleagues or business associates.
I just realized many of you may be getting ready to take vacations or needed trips.
The website below is a good source for navigating the costs and benefits of your next trip.
Let me know what you think and if this site helped you:
Check out the following website www.hhh-discounttravel.com
Find the lowest prices for flights, hotels and car rentals and even cruises.
You will be amazed; I was. Now I know where to go to get the best deals
and conveniently make my reservations on line. You can too.
Have the time of your life. Plan your vacations now!
Go to www.hhh-discounttravel.com
In this economy,
You deserve discounts.
"You deserve a break today!"
Have Hope in Humanity.
Go to www.hhh-discounttravel.com
Be of True Health and Wealth,
Kathleen
Ambassador of Change
"I am personally convinced that one person can be a change catalyst, a "transformer" in any situation, any organization. Such an individual is yeast that can leaven an entire loaf. It requires vision, initiative, patience, respect, persistence, courage, and faith to be a transforming leader." ~~Stephen R. Covey
I just realized many of you may be getting ready to take vacations or needed trips.
The website below is a good source for navigating the costs and benefits of your next trip.
Let me know what you think and if this site helped you:
Check out the following website www.hhh-discounttravel.com
Find the lowest prices for flights, hotels and car rentals and even cruises.
You will be amazed; I was. Now I know where to go to get the best deals
and conveniently make my reservations on line. You can too.
Have the time of your life. Plan your vacations now!
Go to www.hhh-discounttravel.com
In this economy,
You deserve discounts.
"You deserve a break today!"
Have Hope in Humanity.
Go to www.hhh-discounttravel.com
Be of True Health and Wealth,
Kathleen
Ambassador of Change
"I am personally convinced that one person can be a change catalyst, a "transformer" in any situation, any organization. Such an individual is yeast that can leaven an entire loaf. It requires vision, initiative, patience, respect, persistence, courage, and faith to be a transforming leader." ~~Stephen R. Covey
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Tuesday, February 09, 2010
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Sunday, September 27, 2009
I Did It My Way
I just want to be me through and through-- no holds barred! I have spent the day listening to music that makes me feel good and that inspires me to live my dreams. I would rather be dead if I could not listen to my music when I want to or sing when I want to or get up and dance when I feel like it. I am no longer frustrated with a situation; I am letting go.
I like to be happy, and if things don't always go according to how I expect, I still want to treat people with grace and kindness. I know people can get a lot more with honey than vinegar. But I do not want to be a mouse in a kitchen corner barely making a pip or squeak. I do know that there are some battles not worth picking and that people need to just be. Be who they are. Exist.
If I were to critique every move they make, that is not fair to them and vise versa. One of my main goals in life is to be kind and kind-er all of the time. To be revered, ultimately, is to be empowered. Attraction: sometimes the very thing we are attracted to are the qualities we do not have in ourself. But, somethimes (more often than not) the obesrvations we make that we find distasteful are the very things we have in ourselves. So the truth seems to hurt.
If we don't like negativity in others, should that not mean that we also do not like that trait in ourselves, hum? Well, I think that it is true. So how do we get past our own criticisms and change our own faults or learn to accept that fault in others?
At N E rate, I would like to face up and start each morning making people feel good even if they did not give me the right direction, best service or assistance. What sweat is it off my neck to allow them to be human and just roll with the ups and downs of the circumstance? No sweat, no sweat at all to be sweet to everyone. There is no need to bully, boss, scold, raise one's voice, roll our eyes and other things to indicate distaste. If I actually had to taste a lemon it is hard not to make a face.
So how do we kindly let someone know that we are uncomfortable, embarassed or threatened by what they do? If we use our normal voice without facial expressions, we are not believed. It is when we raise volume, stomp our foot or show outrage that we usually get the reaction we desire (cater to me or I will raise a stink). Humh.
I think that if enough humans learned to respond appropriately to boisterously-gruff people, maybe they would learn to not throw tempertantrums. [Who on earth has the stamin for this? Not me, I am no Mother Teresa] Does that mean we treat them like parenting books advise us to treat toddlers. Heck no. We are talking about grown-ups. I have heard it is effective to set boundaries and consequences if a line is crossed.
But what does this put at risk? The end of a business or partnership, loss of a client or relationship? Sad to say usually yes. (Unless your a married couple who has this figured out.)
A fact of life: People do not have to tolerate negative vibrations. But, if you can't get out of the kitchen with the person change the kind of heat you are cooking with: Kill 'em with kindness. Coals, hot ones at that, are what kindness can feel like to people who want to ruffle your feathers or get their way by protesting. They tend to be the ones that get more upset, and then eventually, they leave you alone, quit or stop doing business with you. And, you won't mind if they leave when they are abusive whenever they have entered your environment. I always like to see the sign at a counter, "We reserve the right to refuse service."
How can a person stay mad at you if you are nothing but kind? Well they can because it is just who they are. When they continue to be that way, then I guess you have to look for another kitchen to work in. In the mean time, still be kind. Hold your head high and know that you did nothing wrong. [And know that to them, they probably did nothing wrong either.] It's a matter of styles and strategies. Find one that fits you strong enough that you will not be shaken by another persons way of manipulating a situation.
Search for the people who lift you up and lift up others around them. If the checker is having a hard time, show some empathy. If the waitress forgets your request, be gracious since you are not in their skin at that moment.
For God's sake, can't we just be nice no matter what. If a business really messed up, what good does it do to get mad? Does it lower blood pressure like a pressure cooker that is released at it's boiling point? Maybe a little, but the pressure is still high enough to make a screaming scene until the pressure is safely released. Become a slow cooker, and allow your organ meats (mind & heart) to soften your soul and still keep your flavor and savvey. Allow people to lift your lid now and then to smell your aroma and stir your consistency and taste if you are bitter or sweet. The cook might be able to add an ingredient to help your recipe for peace. With any luck you won't stick to the pot by getting too hot.! Or not. It is really up to each of us to handle how we stew. I hope this help give folks food for thought.
I like to be happy, and if things don't always go according to how I expect, I still want to treat people with grace and kindness. I know people can get a lot more with honey than vinegar. But I do not want to be a mouse in a kitchen corner barely making a pip or squeak. I do know that there are some battles not worth picking and that people need to just be. Be who they are. Exist.
If I were to critique every move they make, that is not fair to them and vise versa. One of my main goals in life is to be kind and kind-er all of the time. To be revered, ultimately, is to be empowered. Attraction: sometimes the very thing we are attracted to are the qualities we do not have in ourself. But, somethimes (more often than not) the obesrvations we make that we find distasteful are the very things we have in ourselves. So the truth seems to hurt.
If we don't like negativity in others, should that not mean that we also do not like that trait in ourselves, hum? Well, I think that it is true. So how do we get past our own criticisms and change our own faults or learn to accept that fault in others?
At N E rate, I would like to face up and start each morning making people feel good even if they did not give me the right direction, best service or assistance. What sweat is it off my neck to allow them to be human and just roll with the ups and downs of the circumstance? No sweat, no sweat at all to be sweet to everyone. There is no need to bully, boss, scold, raise one's voice, roll our eyes and other things to indicate distaste. If I actually had to taste a lemon it is hard not to make a face.
So how do we kindly let someone know that we are uncomfortable, embarassed or threatened by what they do? If we use our normal voice without facial expressions, we are not believed. It is when we raise volume, stomp our foot or show outrage that we usually get the reaction we desire (cater to me or I will raise a stink). Humh.
I think that if enough humans learned to respond appropriately to boisterously-gruff people, maybe they would learn to not throw tempertantrums. [Who on earth has the stamin for this? Not me, I am no Mother Teresa] Does that mean we treat them like parenting books advise us to treat toddlers. Heck no. We are talking about grown-ups. I have heard it is effective to set boundaries and consequences if a line is crossed.
But what does this put at risk? The end of a business or partnership, loss of a client or relationship? Sad to say usually yes. (Unless your a married couple who has this figured out.)
A fact of life: People do not have to tolerate negative vibrations. But, if you can't get out of the kitchen with the person change the kind of heat you are cooking with: Kill 'em with kindness. Coals, hot ones at that, are what kindness can feel like to people who want to ruffle your feathers or get their way by protesting. They tend to be the ones that get more upset, and then eventually, they leave you alone, quit or stop doing business with you. And, you won't mind if they leave when they are abusive whenever they have entered your environment. I always like to see the sign at a counter, "We reserve the right to refuse service."
How can a person stay mad at you if you are nothing but kind? Well they can because it is just who they are. When they continue to be that way, then I guess you have to look for another kitchen to work in. In the mean time, still be kind. Hold your head high and know that you did nothing wrong. [And know that to them, they probably did nothing wrong either.] It's a matter of styles and strategies. Find one that fits you strong enough that you will not be shaken by another persons way of manipulating a situation.
Search for the people who lift you up and lift up others around them. If the checker is having a hard time, show some empathy. If the waitress forgets your request, be gracious since you are not in their skin at that moment.
For God's sake, can't we just be nice no matter what. If a business really messed up, what good does it do to get mad? Does it lower blood pressure like a pressure cooker that is released at it's boiling point? Maybe a little, but the pressure is still high enough to make a screaming scene until the pressure is safely released. Become a slow cooker, and allow your organ meats (mind & heart) to soften your soul and still keep your flavor and savvey. Allow people to lift your lid now and then to smell your aroma and stir your consistency and taste if you are bitter or sweet. The cook might be able to add an ingredient to help your recipe for peace. With any luck you won't stick to the pot by getting too hot.! Or not. It is really up to each of us to handle how we stew. I hope this help give folks food for thought.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Thursday, September 03, 2009
Snail's Pace
Oh my, it has been way too long since I have blogged. Forgive me. (As if, I have readers out there.) I suppose it is highly forgivable since one has to earn a living and life takes over living (or living takes over life). However, I should have hope that someday I could make a living out of writing. I put it off more times than I ought to. I think the movie about Julie and Julia, as well as the recent Trump Blog has me a little inspired. Besides the fact that I am between teaching contracts, it is no surprise that the last time I really blogged was August of 2008 just about the time I got contract for the school year. So there is my batting averge: 1:12 months? 'Sad for someone who has a lot to offer. I would like to make a committment to this but keep thinking I should be making money somewhere. Maybe that is the wrong approach. Maybe I should just blog for the sake of writing. Journaling as if it will help me is recommended by many a self-help books. 'Lord knows I have enough of them. At any rate, I logggged in today, if anything to remember my username and password.
Hope is the key to my dreams. I musn't give up hope. Hope will help me find my way. "Today is the first day of the rest of my life," someone said somewhere.
At a recent teaching interview the last question was "Name the last three books I had read." I just about choked, as I am not a big book reader. The last one I remember reading was The Five People You Meet in Heaven which I am glad I read because it was a tear jerker (the movie did not move me in that way). Then I was stumped. I started racking my brain thinking of how I read more magazines than books. So I told the interview pair that I was not a big fan of fiction and that I read a lot more self-help books. Even then the titles escaped me, so I started rattling off authors' names: Brian Tracy, Stephen Covey, and one author whom I met, Dennis Waitley who wrote the book The Psychology of Winning. Knowing the interviewers were pressed for time, I did not get a chance to tell them that Dennis was MaryLou Rettan's psych-coach who helped her durning the Olympics. I did not dare tell them that I met him at a Trump Seminar and that I have a lot of Donald Trump's books and Robert Kywosaki's book.
So, I just said, "I hope self-help books count." They said something to the effect that they did. When I started naming authors with confidence, they started writing as fast as I was talking. So I could not have done too bad, and I do believe they recognized the names of these authors. If anything, it was a way of letting them know that I am into psychology and what makes people tick which is an important skill for a teacher to possess.
This leads me to say that I need to committ to something. I would like to commit to writing but I have not been able to keep that promise even to myself. I think of all the things I want to write and feel daunted. I should thing small and tackle one writing project at a time. If I could simply review one self help book at a time that would be a major accomplishment because I literally have a house full of them.
If I wrote an inventory of what I have, you'ld think I was a bookstore owner or a Friend of the Library. I do love books; I just wished I loved reading them as much as having them.
I have loved science books and psychology since a young age. And now that I have made that statement, it does seem like my life won't be complete if I just sit on these reams of insight. I need to "DO SOMETHING!" as the emotioncon say when we wave over them with our mouse. If I tackled one book at a time, it would take the rest of my life. The quesion is will it be worth it? Will I get a following? Can I make a living? Or would it just be for personal satisfaction? No one knows the answers to these portences. But we never know much until we "Do it." [Nike]
Enough of my ramlings, I need to get focused now and write another letter of intent for a school district. My hope is that I get hired for the rest of the school year and do a great job as a teacher. I am a teacher through and through; it is what I do best.
I will get back here to rest and reflect.
Hope is the key to my dreams. I musn't give up hope. Hope will help me find my way. "Today is the first day of the rest of my life," someone said somewhere.
At a recent teaching interview the last question was "Name the last three books I had read." I just about choked, as I am not a big book reader. The last one I remember reading was The Five People You Meet in Heaven which I am glad I read because it was a tear jerker (the movie did not move me in that way). Then I was stumped. I started racking my brain thinking of how I read more magazines than books. So I told the interview pair that I was not a big fan of fiction and that I read a lot more self-help books. Even then the titles escaped me, so I started rattling off authors' names: Brian Tracy, Stephen Covey, and one author whom I met, Dennis Waitley who wrote the book The Psychology of Winning. Knowing the interviewers were pressed for time, I did not get a chance to tell them that Dennis was MaryLou Rettan's psych-coach who helped her durning the Olympics. I did not dare tell them that I met him at a Trump Seminar and that I have a lot of Donald Trump's books and Robert Kywosaki's book.
So, I just said, "I hope self-help books count." They said something to the effect that they did. When I started naming authors with confidence, they started writing as fast as I was talking. So I could not have done too bad, and I do believe they recognized the names of these authors. If anything, it was a way of letting them know that I am into psychology and what makes people tick which is an important skill for a teacher to possess.
This leads me to say that I need to committ to something. I would like to commit to writing but I have not been able to keep that promise even to myself. I think of all the things I want to write and feel daunted. I should thing small and tackle one writing project at a time. If I could simply review one self help book at a time that would be a major accomplishment because I literally have a house full of them.
If I wrote an inventory of what I have, you'ld think I was a bookstore owner or a Friend of the Library. I do love books; I just wished I loved reading them as much as having them.
I have loved science books and psychology since a young age. And now that I have made that statement, it does seem like my life won't be complete if I just sit on these reams of insight. I need to "DO SOMETHING!" as the emotioncon say when we wave over them with our mouse. If I tackled one book at a time, it would take the rest of my life. The quesion is will it be worth it? Will I get a following? Can I make a living? Or would it just be for personal satisfaction? No one knows the answers to these portences. But we never know much until we "Do it." [Nike]
Enough of my ramlings, I need to get focused now and write another letter of intent for a school district. My hope is that I get hired for the rest of the school year and do a great job as a teacher. I am a teacher through and through; it is what I do best.
I will get back here to rest and reflect.
Sunday, July 06, 2008
Challenge to Cherish of 2008
I find myself looking for a way to keep teaching and yet to venture out on my own:
Let me start with the possibilities of a future far from home and not in teaching. As you know if you have read about me, I have some physical difficulties (Sjogrens Syndrome). So I am using the internet to network with people who seem to have the gift for turning lemons into lemonade. I am meeting more people on myspace who are doing network marketing and found a few other sites that are inticing me to think outside the parameters set for us by the traditionalists in our lives. If you read the book Who Stole the American Dream, you would agree that we cannot keep trading time for money and that a residual income for the work we do today will be necessary for the work we do in the future. In other words our value today is and should be worth more in the future. The trick is how do we find a way to make that happen. So with these thoughts as the end goal, I realize that there is a better way and that should help me let go of my worries about my traditional teaching contracts with the medical benefits and retirement plan.
Never the less, I had to take a trip to Calabassas to take the State test titled CTEL which stands for California Teacher of English Learners. I finally had to let go of worry about wheter or not I would pass it this time around and just figure out how to 1.) pay for it, 2.) get accomodations for my disabilities, and 3.) just get there. So this summer lended itself to this as my adventures.
When one does not get their teaching contract renewed, even if it is due to budget cuts and this test pending test result, it is still a blow to one's self esteem. I really feel a lagging in my energy due to self doubt. And then there is the added worry of how one will pay their bills. I have an added resentment that the state has figured out how to cheat us of more time and money. So to combat this negativity, I just ate the monetary bullet and thought about my need to get special testing arrangments.
What a relief to get there and find that the State did in fact order a computer with a keyboard and table for me to be able to type my essay portions of the test. On top of that they blessed me with extra time to help level the playing field. I felt strange having never had accomodations for my disability before. The proctors were very accepting and non judgemental of me bringing my own chair, arm swings and book support. It made testing not insurmoutable for me. I would not have been able to do or finish this test without my adaptation devices, the keyboard, and the extra time. It took me nearly 7 hours to finish.
Because I had to be at the testing site by 7:30 a.m., I drove two hours the night before to stay in a hotel only a mile from the testing site. And I knew, after testing for 7 hours, I would not feel well enough to drive home; so, I stayed in the hotel a second night. For the first time in my short life, I had a cell phone when I traveled, thanks to my daughter. So there was a quasi sense of safety on the journey.
The bright side was getting my money's worth for the trip by appreciating all of the following:
One, I was able to be rested and relaxed for the test. Two, the breakfast at the hotel was included, and we're talking eggs, ham, bacon, hash browns, waffles, fruit, and more to chose from and all you can eat. What a treat! The irony is that that morning of the test, after I filled my coffee cup and doctored it with cream and sugar, before I even took a sip, I knocked the whole thing over on the buffet counter. Instead of fixating on what a way to start the day and fret too long over the mess I made, it was a way for my brain to help me acknowledge my need to have adaptation devices for the test. I am clumsy for a reason, and that's okay. I knew tomorrow would come when I had breakfast I could enjoy it without being crunched for time. I had time to fix myelf a waffle then, and handle a coffee then again.~A little but significant thing for me.
Two, after the test, I walked the quaint but wealthy town of Calabassas where they have the historic adobe home and land of the Leonis Family. Of course, knowing me, as I strolled along the side walk, I noticed all of the flora. I thought to myself, "My Goodness, they can grow plants outside that I can only grow indoors in the desert." The street was lined with spider plants, choleuis, ferns, etc. The Magnolia trees were in bloom. I thought to myself how it would be marvelous to grow pots of geraniums again in my life, and avacado trees. I started to open up to the possibilities of living in a more moderate climate. I walked to the grocery store and realized that for every 10 vehicles, 8 of them were mid to large size SUVs. My Jeep fit right in. I walked by a couple real estate offices. "Oh my, they have no shame in posting the price of mega million dollar homes." It dawned on me then that this was the town of many millionaires.
More to come on the Adobe...
Three, I made prior arrangements to meet a friend that evening whom I had not seen in 29 years, Karen from my first college days. We use to take ice skating classes together. We picked up right where we left off it seemed like no time had passed and it was a clear reminder of how we became friends: That ability to flow from one topic to another and to be entralled with what we each had to say. It was energizing. And yet time had gone by: Our kids are adults, we are old enough to be grandparents and have the gray hair to show for it. The topics were germain to health and the pursuit of keeping up with technology and how the socio demographics have changed in the area. It had been along time since I enjoyed such and intellectual conversation. Our visit has made me reflect on what I am missing in relationships and perhaps what I should seek again in my life.
Four, I got to bask in the sun and talk on a cellphone with my daughter before I took a swim. Odd as this may seem to those who take the sun, swim and cell phone for granted. I have not sun baked for the sake of tanning since I was in my 20's. It is clear that swimming in a kidney shaped pool is a novelty to cool off. The cell phone chat some how made me feel important, as if the world could witness that I am loved by someone. Every one always looks glamorous to me lounging with a cell phone. However, my biggest challenge is that it is too hard for me to hold a communication device for long conversations; so, I suppose someday, I will join the ranks of those people who wear Blutoothes (they just seem too Star Trekky for me).
Five, Calabassas is only 2 miles from the Las Virgines Rd. which leads to Malibu. And how often am I that far from home? I had to take advantage of the distance that I had already traveled and head due west through the canyon minimal miles to eat my picnic lunch at Malibu park where the cliffs over look the ocean.
More to come...
Six, and to not back track it mad sense to go south on the Pacific Coast Highway (PCH) to Santa Monica with the goal to walk to the end of the Pier.
More to come...
Let me start with the possibilities of a future far from home and not in teaching. As you know if you have read about me, I have some physical difficulties (Sjogrens Syndrome). So I am using the internet to network with people who seem to have the gift for turning lemons into lemonade. I am meeting more people on myspace who are doing network marketing and found a few other sites that are inticing me to think outside the parameters set for us by the traditionalists in our lives. If you read the book Who Stole the American Dream, you would agree that we cannot keep trading time for money and that a residual income for the work we do today will be necessary for the work we do in the future. In other words our value today is and should be worth more in the future. The trick is how do we find a way to make that happen. So with these thoughts as the end goal, I realize that there is a better way and that should help me let go of my worries about my traditional teaching contracts with the medical benefits and retirement plan.
Never the less, I had to take a trip to Calabassas to take the State test titled CTEL which stands for California Teacher of English Learners. I finally had to let go of worry about wheter or not I would pass it this time around and just figure out how to 1.) pay for it, 2.) get accomodations for my disabilities, and 3.) just get there. So this summer lended itself to this as my adventures.
When one does not get their teaching contract renewed, even if it is due to budget cuts and this test pending test result, it is still a blow to one's self esteem. I really feel a lagging in my energy due to self doubt. And then there is the added worry of how one will pay their bills. I have an added resentment that the state has figured out how to cheat us of more time and money. So to combat this negativity, I just ate the monetary bullet and thought about my need to get special testing arrangments.
What a relief to get there and find that the State did in fact order a computer with a keyboard and table for me to be able to type my essay portions of the test. On top of that they blessed me with extra time to help level the playing field. I felt strange having never had accomodations for my disability before. The proctors were very accepting and non judgemental of me bringing my own chair, arm swings and book support. It made testing not insurmoutable for me. I would not have been able to do or finish this test without my adaptation devices, the keyboard, and the extra time. It took me nearly 7 hours to finish.
Because I had to be at the testing site by 7:30 a.m., I drove two hours the night before to stay in a hotel only a mile from the testing site. And I knew, after testing for 7 hours, I would not feel well enough to drive home; so, I stayed in the hotel a second night. For the first time in my short life, I had a cell phone when I traveled, thanks to my daughter. So there was a quasi sense of safety on the journey.
The bright side was getting my money's worth for the trip by appreciating all of the following:
One, I was able to be rested and relaxed for the test. Two, the breakfast at the hotel was included, and we're talking eggs, ham, bacon, hash browns, waffles, fruit, and more to chose from and all you can eat. What a treat! The irony is that that morning of the test, after I filled my coffee cup and doctored it with cream and sugar, before I even took a sip, I knocked the whole thing over on the buffet counter. Instead of fixating on what a way to start the day and fret too long over the mess I made, it was a way for my brain to help me acknowledge my need to have adaptation devices for the test. I am clumsy for a reason, and that's okay. I knew tomorrow would come when I had breakfast I could enjoy it without being crunched for time. I had time to fix myelf a waffle then, and handle a coffee then again.~A little but significant thing for me.
Two, after the test, I walked the quaint but wealthy town of Calabassas where they have the historic adobe home and land of the Leonis Family. Of course, knowing me, as I strolled along the side walk, I noticed all of the flora. I thought to myself, "My Goodness, they can grow plants outside that I can only grow indoors in the desert." The street was lined with spider plants, choleuis, ferns, etc. The Magnolia trees were in bloom. I thought to myself how it would be marvelous to grow pots of geraniums again in my life, and avacado trees. I started to open up to the possibilities of living in a more moderate climate. I walked to the grocery store and realized that for every 10 vehicles, 8 of them were mid to large size SUVs. My Jeep fit right in. I walked by a couple real estate offices. "Oh my, they have no shame in posting the price of mega million dollar homes." It dawned on me then that this was the town of many millionaires.
More to come on the Adobe...
Three, I made prior arrangements to meet a friend that evening whom I had not seen in 29 years, Karen from my first college days. We use to take ice skating classes together. We picked up right where we left off it seemed like no time had passed and it was a clear reminder of how we became friends: That ability to flow from one topic to another and to be entralled with what we each had to say. It was energizing. And yet time had gone by: Our kids are adults, we are old enough to be grandparents and have the gray hair to show for it. The topics were germain to health and the pursuit of keeping up with technology and how the socio demographics have changed in the area. It had been along time since I enjoyed such and intellectual conversation. Our visit has made me reflect on what I am missing in relationships and perhaps what I should seek again in my life.
Four, I got to bask in the sun and talk on a cellphone with my daughter before I took a swim. Odd as this may seem to those who take the sun, swim and cell phone for granted. I have not sun baked for the sake of tanning since I was in my 20's. It is clear that swimming in a kidney shaped pool is a novelty to cool off. The cell phone chat some how made me feel important, as if the world could witness that I am loved by someone. Every one always looks glamorous to me lounging with a cell phone. However, my biggest challenge is that it is too hard for me to hold a communication device for long conversations; so, I suppose someday, I will join the ranks of those people who wear Blutoothes (they just seem too Star Trekky for me).
Five, Calabassas is only 2 miles from the Las Virgines Rd. which leads to Malibu. And how often am I that far from home? I had to take advantage of the distance that I had already traveled and head due west through the canyon minimal miles to eat my picnic lunch at Malibu park where the cliffs over look the ocean.
More to come...
Six, and to not back track it mad sense to go south on the Pacific Coast Highway (PCH) to Santa Monica with the goal to walk to the end of the Pier.
More to come...
Sunday, May 18, 2008
How many Saturdays do you have left?
I read somewhere in an email going round about a man who put marbles is a jar for the amount of Satudays that he would have left in his life. Each week (on Saturday) he would take out a ma
rble to visulize how many weekends he would have left in his life. I think I should do something with this concept.
I feel like I am failing because I cannot do as much as I would like to do with each day and my life. time is running out on the right side of 50. If I get to live to be 100, I might make my goals. But, if my time is up by 75, a quarter of a century is just not long enough.
I need to work smarter and not harder, but damn if the time involved in learning eats away at the time I have left. How I wish I was a millionaire so that I could hire people to help me with the things that I want to accomplish.
How many Saturdays do you have left in your life? I figured out the count down in my life: Based upon the average age of death being 75 years of age, 75-54 = only 21 years times 52 weeks = 1092 Saturdays left. Anything after that will be considered extra time.
To be continued...
rble to visulize how many weekends he would have left in his life. I think I should do something with this concept.I feel like I am failing because I cannot do as much as I would like to do with each day and my life. time is running out on the right side of 50. If I get to live to be 100, I might make my goals. But, if my time is up by 75, a quarter of a century is just not long enough.
I need to work smarter and not harder, but damn if the time involved in learning eats away at the time I have left. How I wish I was a millionaire so that I could hire people to help me with the things that I want to accomplish.
How many Saturdays do you have left in your life? I figured out the count down in my life: Based upon the average age of death being 75 years of age, 75-54 = only 21 years times 52 weeks = 1092 Saturdays left. Anything after that will be considered extra time.
To be continued...
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Nine Missions in Seven Days
I know that I only get to the blog when I truly have something to share. ' Hopefully there are readers here every now and then to hear.
This Thanksgiving, my daughter, grandkids and I took a trip up the California coast to see as many missions as time would permit. My grandson is in 4th grade, and his class wasn't doing any projects though they were studying California History. My daughter knew how valuable it was for her to see the misions when she was his age. She feels compelled to provide "Living History" experiences for her children. I appreciate this; my parents gave this to me, and I must have done something right too: Misssions yesterday, State Parks today and National Monuments tomorrow. It's important to see as many as we can with the little lifetime we've been given. So many people never get out of their hometown. The world is our oyster...
We are blessed to live in such a young land. It was almost sureal to realize that the Interstate 101 road just 230 years ago was a dirt path way for wagons, and horses carrying pioneers and Indians. The el Camino Real bells were a day's ride apart or with in earshot of each other. That what seems like ancient times is now congested with traffic at main juntures like Sepulvida in Burbank, to Malibu Canyon Rd, then again in Santa Barbara. To ride it at night now and see all of the new automobiles glowing with DVD players in the back seats to entertain relatively weary travelers seems like living science fiction. Can you imagine what Father Junipero Serra and the settlers would think if they saw the territory they established then now?
Imagine riding along this road to the Doobie Brother's tune "China Grove" on an 8-track or the radio with the wind in your hair of a Mustang convertable. Trust me, we feel on top of the world in control and all is at our fingertips. Two hundred years from now we will seem like stone age men. That's what 18th century men were compared to us. They worked with mud to make bricks and hand made rope to raise stones to steeples with cast iron bells that ring certain tones to tell time and call out warning to the villagers. They rejoiced in their archaic ways. I personally, don't own a cell phone. I wondered where all these people have come from today. When God said "Multiply...." we sure took him literally. Who is left that is directly related to these pioneers. Where is our family history? Who knows? Who keeps track of their ancestory.
I know this, whether we are blood relate or not, we are definitely connected. The artifacts housed in these historical buildings are gifts to us. They make us rich when we witness them. The problem is that there are many people who don't get far on these roads to really see what came before them or even where they may have came from. This is a sad affair for our children. If I was rich I would offer field trips to many locales to help the youth of today see with their own eyes how far we have come in just 200 years. I wish I knew which Indian is part of my blood, or who may have shed their blood for me.
I know too, from this trip, life is shorter than we care to admit. We visited friends whom we have not seen in nearly 10 years. When I measure life in terms of their children having grown up already or with kids of their own too, and I see that they have gray hair and to hear that their parents have passed on, well, hell, it's almost over. I am saddened because I have missed a life time with these people already. So I am keenly aware that I have to make the most out the little time I have left. I know I cannot possibly accomplish as much as I would like, but something that leaves a legacy for at least my family should be a valuable like what Father Serra left. So with that in mind, pictures (digital or otherwise) will make way now for videos and blogs on the Internet. It is new age, and I do not want to be left behind. I do not want to be old and say " I am not of this world any longer, or that I do not know what happened to the world." I want to be a part of every cutting edge all the way to the end. I want to live my life to the fullest as if it may end sooner than I am willing or ready, because that is the true reality of it all.
We are less than powder in narrow capsule, swallowed whole in one gulp. I don't want to just be a candfle snuffed out after a dime is donated and a prayer is offerred for my soul. I want my life to matter more to my Great-great-great grandkids. So those of you who have a prayer for strangers, pray that my life will matter for many who come after me. I know we will be long gone, but I want to leave something that many will remember.
So in the weeks to come I want to lay out our trip here and tackle one mision at a time to express the history that I appreciate about each mission we saw as a family. Though we do not practice our ancesteral Catholitheism, I still wanted to tell my grand children how their great and great-great grandmother practiced it.
This Thanksgiving, my daughter, grandkids and I took a trip up the California coast to see as many missions as time would permit. My grandson is in 4th grade, and his class wasn't doing any projects though they were studying California History. My daughter knew how valuable it was for her to see the misions when she was his age. She feels compelled to provide "Living History" experiences for her children. I appreciate this; my parents gave this to me, and I must have done something right too: Misssions yesterday, State Parks today and National Monuments tomorrow. It's important to see as many as we can with the little lifetime we've been given. So many people never get out of their hometown. The world is our oyster...
We are blessed to live in such a young land. It was almost sureal to realize that the Interstate 101 road just 230 years ago was a dirt path way for wagons, and horses carrying pioneers and Indians. The el Camino Real bells were a day's ride apart or with in earshot of each other. That what seems like ancient times is now congested with traffic at main juntures like Sepulvida in Burbank, to Malibu Canyon Rd, then again in Santa Barbara. To ride it at night now and see all of the new automobiles glowing with DVD players in the back seats to entertain relatively weary travelers seems like living science fiction. Can you imagine what Father Junipero Serra and the settlers would think if they saw the territory they established then now?
Imagine riding along this road to the Doobie Brother's tune "China Grove" on an 8-track or the radio with the wind in your hair of a Mustang convertable. Trust me, we feel on top of the world in control and all is at our fingertips. Two hundred years from now we will seem like stone age men. That's what 18th century men were compared to us. They worked with mud to make bricks and hand made rope to raise stones to steeples with cast iron bells that ring certain tones to tell time and call out warning to the villagers. They rejoiced in their archaic ways. I personally, don't own a cell phone. I wondered where all these people have come from today. When God said "Multiply...." we sure took him literally. Who is left that is directly related to these pioneers. Where is our family history? Who knows? Who keeps track of their ancestory.
I know this, whether we are blood relate or not, we are definitely connected. The artifacts housed in these historical buildings are gifts to us. They make us rich when we witness them. The problem is that there are many people who don't get far on these roads to really see what came before them or even where they may have came from. This is a sad affair for our children. If I was rich I would offer field trips to many locales to help the youth of today see with their own eyes how far we have come in just 200 years. I wish I knew which Indian is part of my blood, or who may have shed their blood for me.
I know too, from this trip, life is shorter than we care to admit. We visited friends whom we have not seen in nearly 10 years. When I measure life in terms of their children having grown up already or with kids of their own too, and I see that they have gray hair and to hear that their parents have passed on, well, hell, it's almost over. I am saddened because I have missed a life time with these people already. So I am keenly aware that I have to make the most out the little time I have left. I know I cannot possibly accomplish as much as I would like, but something that leaves a legacy for at least my family should be a valuable like what Father Serra left. So with that in mind, pictures (digital or otherwise) will make way now for videos and blogs on the Internet. It is new age, and I do not want to be left behind. I do not want to be old and say " I am not of this world any longer, or that I do not know what happened to the world." I want to be a part of every cutting edge all the way to the end. I want to live my life to the fullest as if it may end sooner than I am willing or ready, because that is the true reality of it all.
We are less than powder in narrow capsule, swallowed whole in one gulp. I don't want to just be a candfle snuffed out after a dime is donated and a prayer is offerred for my soul. I want my life to matter more to my Great-great-great grandkids. So those of you who have a prayer for strangers, pray that my life will matter for many who come after me. I know we will be long gone, but I want to leave something that many will remember.
So in the weeks to come I want to lay out our trip here and tackle one mision at a time to express the history that I appreciate about each mission we saw as a family. Though we do not practice our ancesteral Catholitheism, I still wanted to tell my grand children how their great and great-great grandmother practiced it.
- Ventura
- Santa Miguel
- Santa Cruz
- San De Carlos (Carmel by the Sea)
- San Juan Bautista
- San Luis Obispo
- La Purisima
- Santa Inez
- Santa Barbara
AS THIS YEAR CLOSED TO AN END, I just HAD TO CALL A CHILDHOOD FRIEND from porochial school. I FOUND MYSELF BURSTING INTO TEARS while TELLING HER THAT I MISSED HER. (IT'S AS IF WE SAID SO LONG FAIR WELL JUST YESTERDAY.) I NEW WHEN SHE MOVED BACK EAST WHEN WE WERE 13 YEARS OLD THAT WE WOULD BE LUCKY TO SEE EACH OTHER 5 MORE TIMES IN OUR LIFE TIME. WE HAVE SEEN EACH OTHER 3 TIMES. WE MAY NOT EVEN GET TWO MORE TIMES TO HUG; WE ARE IN OUR MID 50'S now.
We were raised Catholic, and the roots run deep, and I do appreciate having that personal history. I do want to have another reunion for our 8th grade graduating class. I hope God blesses me with the funds and energy to make it happen again in our capsulated life time. We are due for our 40th reunion this summer.
Saturday, June 16, 2007
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
TrumpPower Summit
Last weekend, I went to a Trump Power Summit. It was an invitation only (if you can believe that) at the Kodak theatre annex conference room in Hollywood. It was 12 hours on Saturday and another 12 hours on Sunday. The event had countless Multimillionaire/Motivational guest speakers. Of course they offered packages for a price, but to be there, hear them and have food was all good and free.
I walked away as high as a kite. I was even on cloud nine the next day. I have lots more to say about this, but I needed to refresh my memory how to use this blog site. So I will be back soon to finish my story of hanging with the wealthy and the inspirational views they have and how they have started to rub off on me.
I'm off for now to get a good nite's sleep.
I walked away as high as a kite. I was even on cloud nine the next day. I have lots more to say about this, but I needed to refresh my memory how to use this blog site. So I will be back soon to finish my story of hanging with the wealthy and the inspirational views they have and how they have started to rub off on me.
I'm off for now to get a good nite's sleep.
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Testing the blogthing
You Are Teal Green |
 You are a one of a kind, original person. There's no one even close to being like you. Expressive and creative, you have a knack for making the impossible possible. While you are a bit offbeat, you don't scare people away with your quirks. Your warm personality nicely counteracts and strange habits you may have. |
Technology
I'm a bit bummed since I still do not devote enough time at this blogging technology to get it right the first time.
I had typed something wonderful to say about this blog-thing,
But I lost it all during a control c and control v thing.
I originally found this color-thing on Myspace,
And thought I would give it a go here since
Green is my favorite color.
The fascinating thing about my quiz result
is that I thought I would be an olive green.
As it turns out my favorite shade of green is Teal.
If I won the lottery, I would shift the colors of my wardrobe to
I'm a bit bummed since I still do not devote enough time at this blogging technology to get it right the first time.
I had typed something wonderful to say about this blog-thing,
But I lost it all during a control c and control v thing.
I originally found this color-thing on Myspace,
And thought I would give it a go here since
Green is my favorite color.
The fascinating thing about my quiz result
is that I thought I would be an olive green.
As it turns out my favorite shade of green is Teal.
If I won the lottery, I would shift the colors of my wardrobe to
teal green.
Teal is the color of my want to be race car:
A 2.4 liter 1998, Chevy Cavalier.
See, I still plan to open a dance studio when I retire.
But like David Letterman, I also want a race car, pit crew and
A lady driver.
So I played the lottery on St. Patrick's day. 'Hoping for a Danica Patrick life style,
Even if the dream remains a fantasy,
Dreams keep life
titillating.
Here's a Haiku for you:
Green is for all good.
It helps our society.
All shades of green mean.
But Emily Dickenson put it best:
“HOPE IS THE THING WITH FEATHERS
THAT PERCHES IN THE SOUL,
AND SINGS THE TUNE WITHOUT WORDS,
Teal is the color of my want to be race car:
A 2.4 liter 1998, Chevy Cavalier.
See, I still plan to open a dance studio when I retire.
But like David Letterman, I also want a race car, pit crew and
A lady driver.
So I played the lottery on St. Patrick's day. 'Hoping for a Danica Patrick life style,
Even if the dream remains a fantasy,
Dreams keep life
titillating.
Here's a Haiku for you:
Green is for all good.
It helps our society.
All shades of green mean.
But Emily Dickenson put it best:
“HOPE IS THE THING WITH FEATHERS
THAT PERCHES IN THE SOUL,
AND SINGS THE TUNE WITHOUT WORDS,
AND NEVER STOPS AT ALL.”
Sunday, November 26, 2006
Out of Synch
uhg. I feel a rant coming on.
I have isolated myself way too much since before my surgery.
I have a job that I probably spend too much time at.
I need to get back to the gym on a regular basis, and I need to stop worrying that I WILL RUN INTO MY EX-WHATEVER HE WAS.
I NEED TO STOP WORRYING THAT I AM NOT GOOD LOOKING ENOUGH FOR SOMEONE AS YOUTH IS FADING FAST, AND SOME OLD CODGER (MY AGE) IS NOT GOING TO LOOK ANY BETTER IN THE MIRROR THAN I DO. Handsome is as hondsome does and that has never been a problem for me.
I HAVE MET SOME BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE ON LINE, AND I DO NOT HAVE TO SEE THEM TO KNOW THAT THEY ARE BEAUTIFUL. SOME ARE SO NICE YOU CAN'T HELP BUT REALIZE THAT YOU CAN FALL IN LOVE WITH PEOPLE WHO JUST TREAT YOU REALLY WELL. I SOMETIMES GET CAUGHT UP IN THE WORLD OF HURT, AND JUST NEED TO KNOW THAT I AM WORTH BEING LOVED. WHEN I DO NOT GET THE LOVE I NEED, I LASH OUT AND THEN SET UP THE VISCIOUS CYLE OF REAPING WHAT I SOW. I JUST NEED TO KEEP BEING NICE EVEN IF I DON'T GET LOVE FROM THE PEOPLE WHOM I WANT LOVE FROM like the following: my immediate family, STUDENTS, COLLEAGUES, THE OPPOSITE SEX, other RELATIVES, OR PERFECT STRANGERS. They are all simply too busy, which is rationale for me to be just as busy.
WHY DO I FEEL IT IS NECESSARY TO LOOK FOR SOMEONE ON LINE WHEN THERE IS A TOWN OF PEOPLE AROUND ME. FEAR?
YES, FEAR IS WHAT HOLDS ME BACK BEHIND THIS SCREEN.
FEAR IS WHAT KEEPS ME TALKING TO MYSELF WITH EVERY KEY STROKE.
AND THEN THE ASSININE THING ABOUT THAT IS THAT IT HURTS MY SPINE UP AND DOWN MY BONES ALL OVER , my body HATEs ME FOR IT.
SO WHY THE HELL DO I DO IT?
To NOT FEEL LONELY.
THE TRUTH IS I AM STILL LONELY DESPITE THE CONNECTIONS MADE WITH MY FINGERTIPS.
I need to get busy living a real life instead of a virtual one. So if I come to this computer, I need to set a time limit and a goal. I need to spend more time on the structure of my business plan and heck maybe higher someone to do the marketing. I have made some stable contacts that communicate with me without ulterior motives. And I have made some savvied business associates whom I admire. I keep coming back to them for inspiration and encouragement. I've been a myspacer now for 11 months and these folks have been on my screen every day to remind me that dance and good friends are a good part of life. I must free myself from this keyboard to spread my wings, fly.
I must learn that “Speak Naturally” computer program to do the typing for me. What’s holding me back is fear, fear; frigid fear is keeping me from getting it in gear. Any suggestions in how to cut loose those bonds of darkness or desperation to cling to the old ways. Technology is busting me and yet it is the tool to more freedom. Honestly, I would love a techno-savvy man to drop into my life. But then I would not learn what I need to in order to swing this business into shape.
Except if I were rich. Then I would hire the people with the know-how. No the real steps are baby ones. Me and My body come first and foremost.
Forgive me for my ranting:
I have to get on with the laundry and dishes and such before work is upon me tomorrow. I am just venting to get me out of my rut. One thing I am doing is typing to smooth jazz music. It is helping lift my spirits, which I am hoping will transfer into body energy.
MY PRAYER: God save me from failing. Help me be what you designed me to be. Help me cut the crap and clutter out of my life. Help me get my house in order, if not for me for my remaining loved ones. I know You can come like a thief in the night. Just help me get some things right and in order before that day comes. Take my afflictions away just in time for me to do what is necessary. My body is having a tough time and I am just beginning my 50’s. Allow me to love it regardless of the pain and not feel guilty about it and the lack of love it has. Obviously there is not a proper man to help me in more ways than one. So, I am publicly asking you to bless me with the time I have left so that I may use it wisely. Healing me may be asking too much. Maybe I am not meant to live as long as I would like. I certainly don’t want to live much longer if I still have the pains of aging and I can’t keep up my home improvements and life’s goals. It’s weird because my mind doesn’t feel old. Help me Lord. I don’t want to just exist.“I know you know I know so let’s get this show on the road.”
I have isolated myself way too much since before my surgery.
I have a job that I probably spend too much time at.
I need to get back to the gym on a regular basis, and I need to stop worrying that I WILL RUN INTO MY EX-WHATEVER HE WAS.
I NEED TO STOP WORRYING THAT I AM NOT GOOD LOOKING ENOUGH FOR SOMEONE AS YOUTH IS FADING FAST, AND SOME OLD CODGER (MY AGE) IS NOT GOING TO LOOK ANY BETTER IN THE MIRROR THAN I DO. Handsome is as hondsome does and that has never been a problem for me.
I HAVE MET SOME BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE ON LINE, AND I DO NOT HAVE TO SEE THEM TO KNOW THAT THEY ARE BEAUTIFUL. SOME ARE SO NICE YOU CAN'T HELP BUT REALIZE THAT YOU CAN FALL IN LOVE WITH PEOPLE WHO JUST TREAT YOU REALLY WELL. I SOMETIMES GET CAUGHT UP IN THE WORLD OF HURT, AND JUST NEED TO KNOW THAT I AM WORTH BEING LOVED. WHEN I DO NOT GET THE LOVE I NEED, I LASH OUT AND THEN SET UP THE VISCIOUS CYLE OF REAPING WHAT I SOW. I JUST NEED TO KEEP BEING NICE EVEN IF I DON'T GET LOVE FROM THE PEOPLE WHOM I WANT LOVE FROM like the following: my immediate family, STUDENTS, COLLEAGUES, THE OPPOSITE SEX, other RELATIVES, OR PERFECT STRANGERS. They are all simply too busy, which is rationale for me to be just as busy.
WHY DO I FEEL IT IS NECESSARY TO LOOK FOR SOMEONE ON LINE WHEN THERE IS A TOWN OF PEOPLE AROUND ME. FEAR?
YES, FEAR IS WHAT HOLDS ME BACK BEHIND THIS SCREEN.
FEAR IS WHAT KEEPS ME TALKING TO MYSELF WITH EVERY KEY STROKE.
AND THEN THE ASSININE THING ABOUT THAT IS THAT IT HURTS MY SPINE UP AND DOWN MY BONES ALL OVER , my body HATEs ME FOR IT.
SO WHY THE HELL DO I DO IT?
To NOT FEEL LONELY.
THE TRUTH IS I AM STILL LONELY DESPITE THE CONNECTIONS MADE WITH MY FINGERTIPS.
I need to get busy living a real life instead of a virtual one. So if I come to this computer, I need to set a time limit and a goal. I need to spend more time on the structure of my business plan and heck maybe higher someone to do the marketing. I have made some stable contacts that communicate with me without ulterior motives. And I have made some savvied business associates whom I admire. I keep coming back to them for inspiration and encouragement. I've been a myspacer now for 11 months and these folks have been on my screen every day to remind me that dance and good friends are a good part of life. I must free myself from this keyboard to spread my wings, fly.
I must learn that “Speak Naturally” computer program to do the typing for me. What’s holding me back is fear, fear; frigid fear is keeping me from getting it in gear. Any suggestions in how to cut loose those bonds of darkness or desperation to cling to the old ways. Technology is busting me and yet it is the tool to more freedom. Honestly, I would love a techno-savvy man to drop into my life. But then I would not learn what I need to in order to swing this business into shape.
Except if I were rich. Then I would hire the people with the know-how. No the real steps are baby ones. Me and My body come first and foremost.
Forgive me for my ranting:
I have to get on with the laundry and dishes and such before work is upon me tomorrow. I am just venting to get me out of my rut. One thing I am doing is typing to smooth jazz music. It is helping lift my spirits, which I am hoping will transfer into body energy.
MY PRAYER: God save me from failing. Help me be what you designed me to be. Help me cut the crap and clutter out of my life. Help me get my house in order, if not for me for my remaining loved ones. I know You can come like a thief in the night. Just help me get some things right and in order before that day comes. Take my afflictions away just in time for me to do what is necessary. My body is having a tough time and I am just beginning my 50’s. Allow me to love it regardless of the pain and not feel guilty about it and the lack of love it has. Obviously there is not a proper man to help me in more ways than one. So, I am publicly asking you to bless me with the time I have left so that I may use it wisely. Healing me may be asking too much. Maybe I am not meant to live as long as I would like. I certainly don’t want to live much longer if I still have the pains of aging and I can’t keep up my home improvements and life’s goals. It’s weird because my mind doesn’t feel old. Help me Lord. I don’t want to just exist.“I know you know I know so let’s get this show on the road.”
Friday, October 13, 2006
TIME
Time: If you don't use it you lose it. Confession: It has been so long since I have been on this site, I have totally forgotten how to use it. So this is like a test run to see where this ends up. I had forgotten about this until a girlfriend, whom I dearly love and miss, dropped me an email in response to one I left her in December of '05 to check out my Blog here. She thrilled me last week with a compliment: "This is awesome ...." I take the compliment highly as she is a credentialed teacher, and she is a linguist of sorts have become a speech therapist. Donna, this one is for you!
Good, I mean really true friends will pass the test of time. Time is eternally relative to them. They can go months, years, and eons and pick up right where they left off. Some may think this is a shame, but it is a necessary fact of life on earth. Life is so friggin' short that if a loved one moves across the country and you cannot make the treck to see them, but once every decade, you may be lucky to see them 5 more times in this life. I think distance and time teach us to prepare for eternity. Hell, they could live in the same town but be so busy with their earthly responsibilities, that you might see them at Christmas or a wedding or lastly at their funeral. At least, in what is called heaven, we won't have to worry about funerals or possibly being too late. I'm sure there is something much better than TBO (tvo?) there. If we spend forever together, there is more time than we will know what to do with, which ultimately means there is no time--"No time to lose" there is quite different than losing time here.
Infinity cannot be measured--Except in the sense that if a friend is a soul bonded to yours forever, they are larger than life itself. If in an afterlife we have an unfamilar form, when we meet in that demension, we will still recognize each other and feel as we always have and perhaps better--relieved to be loose of the bonds that tie us down or hold us back here.
I will admit that I have burnt some bridges here, and I am hoping heaven is big enough that I don't run into other people like old boyfriends or exhusband types. But maybe in heaven, I won't feel or remember the painful actions of those who hurt me. Something will be better than sex there. So it is with meloncohly that I write this: you saw the writing on the wall many years ago and tried to steer me away from a head on collision with the fate that was before me. I have crashed, ignited and burned myself as well as him. The vile sounds that came out of me were to scare him from ever coming near me again. I know his temptest manipulations will always suck me into his false pretentious game. The cruelty of his intentions are that he really does not care how much it hurts me. I don't believe what he says, when he says he did not mean to cause me grief. It's just a way of life for him, a normalcy to have many women. Now I see it as malicious.
Regardless of my pain and hurt, a good friend would not do what he did. They would not use me and toss me aside when I was of no use to them. They just live their lives the best they can with integrity! They are compassionate and understanding without ulterior motives. They have wisdom to give advice and the strength of heart to watch us fall, but be there with a helping word to lift us up again. That, my friend, I cannot live without.
Time might heal, but it helps to get off of the wheel that keeps the clock ticking. With you, I don't even have to know how to tell time, digital, fractional, nor hour glass or 3-minute timer. You're a good egg! "Let's celebrate and have a good time..... Everyone around the world.... It's all right." Make plans for the New Years Eve. I want to stop grieving.
Good, I mean really true friends will pass the test of time. Time is eternally relative to them. They can go months, years, and eons and pick up right where they left off. Some may think this is a shame, but it is a necessary fact of life on earth. Life is so friggin' short that if a loved one moves across the country and you cannot make the treck to see them, but once every decade, you may be lucky to see them 5 more times in this life. I think distance and time teach us to prepare for eternity. Hell, they could live in the same town but be so busy with their earthly responsibilities, that you might see them at Christmas or a wedding or lastly at their funeral. At least, in what is called heaven, we won't have to worry about funerals or possibly being too late. I'm sure there is something much better than TBO (tvo?) there. If we spend forever together, there is more time than we will know what to do with, which ultimately means there is no time--"No time to lose" there is quite different than losing time here.
Infinity cannot be measured--Except in the sense that if a friend is a soul bonded to yours forever, they are larger than life itself. If in an afterlife we have an unfamilar form, when we meet in that demension, we will still recognize each other and feel as we always have and perhaps better--relieved to be loose of the bonds that tie us down or hold us back here.
I will admit that I have burnt some bridges here, and I am hoping heaven is big enough that I don't run into other people like old boyfriends or exhusband types. But maybe in heaven, I won't feel or remember the painful actions of those who hurt me. Something will be better than sex there. So it is with meloncohly that I write this: you saw the writing on the wall many years ago and tried to steer me away from a head on collision with the fate that was before me. I have crashed, ignited and burned myself as well as him. The vile sounds that came out of me were to scare him from ever coming near me again. I know his temptest manipulations will always suck me into his false pretentious game. The cruelty of his intentions are that he really does not care how much it hurts me. I don't believe what he says, when he says he did not mean to cause me grief. It's just a way of life for him, a normalcy to have many women. Now I see it as malicious.
Regardless of my pain and hurt, a good friend would not do what he did. They would not use me and toss me aside when I was of no use to them. They just live their lives the best they can with integrity! They are compassionate and understanding without ulterior motives. They have wisdom to give advice and the strength of heart to watch us fall, but be there with a helping word to lift us up again. That, my friend, I cannot live without.
Time might heal, but it helps to get off of the wheel that keeps the clock ticking. With you, I don't even have to know how to tell time, digital, fractional, nor hour glass or 3-minute timer. You're a good egg! "Let's celebrate and have a good time..... Everyone around the world.... It's all right." Make plans for the New Years Eve. I want to stop grieving.
Monday, March 06, 2006
Humanity, Oscars and the Real Stars
A quesion was raised about the worth of the Oscars. My response is opposed to the downsided nature people might feel:
I do respect the choices of the Academy even if I do not agree with some (esp. when there is a lot of talent to choose from). I view them more wholisitcally, globally, and evolutionarily. They have come a long way, and many of the alcalades were down to earth and simple thanks to the people that matter most: Family, friends and humanity. Some touched the core of my being and grabbed my heart out of my chest. I notice the positive: the lowly, rise above mediocrity inspite of just being a human. There are some things that move me to tears.
I saw the dissappointed look from Mickey Rooney when the Poor me Pimp song won. It is clear the world has changed since the hay day of the Wizard of Oz, but Judy Garland commited suicide for a reason. This was the year of reality. We can only hide from it so long because at some point we are affected by it. I now know someone from every walk of life and am learning that I cannot be the judge of much, especially if I don't understand.
To know that the red carpet can help pave the way to Tolerance makes me proud to have been born in Los Angeles. And, if you knew what the red carpet covers, there is a practical reason they have to lay that down. It is to keep the long gowns clean from the literal filfth that lay beneath it. The very street beneath the feet of the Kodak Theatre is home to the homeless. Unsanitary conditions are finally being addressed this year thanks to the LA Times pushing the issue to pull a task force together. It is complicated: from the mentally ill to the criminally bent to the families who were one paycheck away from such descent.
To hear a member of the SAG acknowledge that Blacks no longer sit in the back, makes me proud to be of this generation, and yet we still have a long way to go. I actually wish I had more color. I am waiting to see Mogan Freedman receive his over due recognition from the Academy.
Though I have not yet seen Brokeback Mt., I was moved to know that a modest author from a modest publisher could tell a story that may have just moved a mountain toward Tolerance is an unbelieveable step for mankind. My heart goes out to all people in love.
Jimmy Kimmel and other comedians are trying to help. Oddly enough sex between heterosexuals has had to go through bad taste comedy to settle into mainstream values. Though it's not comfortable for those involved to be poked at for fun, it is what politicians know well now since Will Roger days. There has to be a place protected from political correctness.
Our God is an Awsome God, and we should act accordingly. I know I will be falling on my knees before him in thanks that I am not stoned to death. I am fortunate to happen to be born with my skin color and religion and in America. God is merciful and understanding. And somewhere in heaven there is room for a sense of humor. Many don't get that here, maybe they won't get it there either.
I know some people are anti-Hollywood because of the glitz and glamour and "the way they push the envelope" on societies. But I saw a lot of ordinary human beings, humbled to tell real stories that stir extrordinary emotions. I did not see jealousy from their colleagues who did not take home the trophies. I saw deep admiration and felt it in my core.
Competitors out there: Just remember, you can catch more flies with honey than you can vinegar. Please keep striving to attain your own dreams. I am grateful for the last image of those who have gone before us: Richard Pryor. And I thanked God that but for His Grace I do not have Lou Gherig's disease. And Richard handled it with grace that I'm not sure I would have. I will remember the unbearable glimpse of his unthinkable suffering; I thanked God he made me, and many of us, laugh for years.
You want to break into show biz; give show biz a break. Be thankful they help our economy with all the jobs they create, and be appreciative of all the philanthropic good they do.
There is enough bad or darkness everywhere. I beg of you who read this do not add to the darkness; step into the light and be part of what shines. In time that will be what matters most, no matter how small your light can beam. Every little beam counts. Numbers of stars or grains of sands, we are all in God's hand. We cannot fathom the heaven that holds so many. One day when we have the technology to literally read the writing on the walls, God will wave his hand over it to edit out the bad and show us movies of each of our precious lives and what they meant for eternity.
I do respect the choices of the Academy even if I do not agree with some (esp. when there is a lot of talent to choose from). I view them more wholisitcally, globally, and evolutionarily. They have come a long way, and many of the alcalades were down to earth and simple thanks to the people that matter most: Family, friends and humanity. Some touched the core of my being and grabbed my heart out of my chest. I notice the positive: the lowly, rise above mediocrity inspite of just being a human. There are some things that move me to tears.
I saw the dissappointed look from Mickey Rooney when the Poor me Pimp song won. It is clear the world has changed since the hay day of the Wizard of Oz, but Judy Garland commited suicide for a reason. This was the year of reality. We can only hide from it so long because at some point we are affected by it. I now know someone from every walk of life and am learning that I cannot be the judge of much, especially if I don't understand.
To know that the red carpet can help pave the way to Tolerance makes me proud to have been born in Los Angeles. And, if you knew what the red carpet covers, there is a practical reason they have to lay that down. It is to keep the long gowns clean from the literal filfth that lay beneath it. The very street beneath the feet of the Kodak Theatre is home to the homeless. Unsanitary conditions are finally being addressed this year thanks to the LA Times pushing the issue to pull a task force together. It is complicated: from the mentally ill to the criminally bent to the families who were one paycheck away from such descent.
To hear a member of the SAG acknowledge that Blacks no longer sit in the back, makes me proud to be of this generation, and yet we still have a long way to go. I actually wish I had more color. I am waiting to see Mogan Freedman receive his over due recognition from the Academy.
Though I have not yet seen Brokeback Mt., I was moved to know that a modest author from a modest publisher could tell a story that may have just moved a mountain toward Tolerance is an unbelieveable step for mankind. My heart goes out to all people in love.
Jimmy Kimmel and other comedians are trying to help. Oddly enough sex between heterosexuals has had to go through bad taste comedy to settle into mainstream values. Though it's not comfortable for those involved to be poked at for fun, it is what politicians know well now since Will Roger days. There has to be a place protected from political correctness.
Our God is an Awsome God, and we should act accordingly. I know I will be falling on my knees before him in thanks that I am not stoned to death. I am fortunate to happen to be born with my skin color and religion and in America. God is merciful and understanding. And somewhere in heaven there is room for a sense of humor. Many don't get that here, maybe they won't get it there either.
I know some people are anti-Hollywood because of the glitz and glamour and "the way they push the envelope" on societies. But I saw a lot of ordinary human beings, humbled to tell real stories that stir extrordinary emotions. I did not see jealousy from their colleagues who did not take home the trophies. I saw deep admiration and felt it in my core.
Competitors out there: Just remember, you can catch more flies with honey than you can vinegar. Please keep striving to attain your own dreams. I am grateful for the last image of those who have gone before us: Richard Pryor. And I thanked God that but for His Grace I do not have Lou Gherig's disease. And Richard handled it with grace that I'm not sure I would have. I will remember the unbearable glimpse of his unthinkable suffering; I thanked God he made me, and many of us, laugh for years.
You want to break into show biz; give show biz a break. Be thankful they help our economy with all the jobs they create, and be appreciative of all the philanthropic good they do.
There is enough bad or darkness everywhere. I beg of you who read this do not add to the darkness; step into the light and be part of what shines. In time that will be what matters most, no matter how small your light can beam. Every little beam counts. Numbers of stars or grains of sands, we are all in God's hand. We cannot fathom the heaven that holds so many. One day when we have the technology to literally read the writing on the walls, God will wave his hand over it to edit out the bad and show us movies of each of our precious lives and what they meant for eternity.
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
It Takes a Village to Raise the Elderly
I have a lot for which to be thankful. Though I have my minor disabilities, I am not near death from them.
In an age where most neighbors close themselves in their homes, when we may only know one or two of our neighbors by last name, the rest of them are pretty much strangers. We may rationalize our distance by thinking our neighbor wants their privacy; so we don't go knocking on their door even if we need a measly cup of sugar.
But when you know they are very sick, and you do knock on their door, and they are unable to get up to answer the door, then you definintely leave them alone to have their dignity. And, praying seems hardly enough, but you fervently pray anyways.
I have been picking up my neighbors newspapers from his driveway which he is likely unable to read at this point and place them at his door out of view from the passer-bys. They use to dissapear; now, they are piled up high. His family checks on him regularly, but you know the newspapers in the driveway and by the door are the least of their concerns. I wanted to ask if I could read the Sunday paper. When actually as I write this, I should volunteer to read it to him.
I see the hospice nurses come every other day, and I mentioned to them if they needed anything that I was just across the street pending my own surgery and recovery, but I am available. They acknowledged that it was rare for a neighbor to approach them and offer to be of assistance.
This week I noticed lots of cars parked near my neighbors property. I was sad thinking that things have taken a turn nearing the end. Today, I noticed hospice and relatives helping lift this tall man, who still is masculine in his age, from the wheel chair into the car. He is blessed to still have his family nearby. His daughter still could smile, and his son-in-law has taken on the strong protector role. And me, I'm just the quiet neighbor who earnestly prays that my neighbor's needs be met.
Hospice workers are like angels helping the living in their greatest time of need. I see how gingerly they assist him and gently talk with him and how carefully they buckle his seat belt and kindly wrap him in a blanket. They deserve much reward in heaven.
In an age where most neighbors close themselves in their homes, when we may only know one or two of our neighbors by last name, the rest of them are pretty much strangers. We may rationalize our distance by thinking our neighbor wants their privacy; so we don't go knocking on their door even if we need a measly cup of sugar.
But when you know they are very sick, and you do knock on their door, and they are unable to get up to answer the door, then you definintely leave them alone to have their dignity. And, praying seems hardly enough, but you fervently pray anyways.
I have been picking up my neighbors newspapers from his driveway which he is likely unable to read at this point and place them at his door out of view from the passer-bys. They use to dissapear; now, they are piled up high. His family checks on him regularly, but you know the newspapers in the driveway and by the door are the least of their concerns. I wanted to ask if I could read the Sunday paper. When actually as I write this, I should volunteer to read it to him.
I see the hospice nurses come every other day, and I mentioned to them if they needed anything that I was just across the street pending my own surgery and recovery, but I am available. They acknowledged that it was rare for a neighbor to approach them and offer to be of assistance.
This week I noticed lots of cars parked near my neighbors property. I was sad thinking that things have taken a turn nearing the end. Today, I noticed hospice and relatives helping lift this tall man, who still is masculine in his age, from the wheel chair into the car. He is blessed to still have his family nearby. His daughter still could smile, and his son-in-law has taken on the strong protector role. And me, I'm just the quiet neighbor who earnestly prays that my neighbor's needs be met.
Hospice workers are like angels helping the living in their greatest time of need. I see how gingerly they assist him and gently talk with him and how carefully they buckle his seat belt and kindly wrap him in a blanket. They deserve much reward in heaven.
Thursday, January 19, 2006
Are You Oppressed by an Employer?
Hello out there in blogger's realm. I went into my employer's place of business yesterday to say farewell to a mentor colleague who is retiring. I am still trying to feel connected though I am on disability. The Principal of the school said at other campuses, employees on disability are not allowed to step foot on campus. And, she looked at me and told me she thought "Hum, if she is well enough to walk in here then why is she not well enough to work." I pointed out that I cannot grip a pen or pencil for a lengthy time that my finger tips are numb all of the time. Basically the over all impression that I get from administration is definite lack of compassion. But I am a firm believer that what goes are comes around. Someday they will be disabled and how they treated disabled people will come back to haunt them before they enter the grave.
Mind you, to get the full picture here, keep in mind that teachers where I work are only allowed to make 3 paperwork mistakes in a month. They get terminated the third month of mistakes. This is all because the State takes away attendance money if auditors see discrepancies like teacher's iniatials, signature, date, homework code and apportionment days or comments like good , bad, redo etc. are not on the student's paper work as well matching the computer forms.
Now I have seen excellent teachers buckle under this pressure. It is enough to create obsessive/compulsive disorders. Technically, I should see if I could find and attorney to start a class action suit against the State on behalf of all of teachers and districts with Alternative Ed. Programs (esp. Charter Schools) who lost revenue over these petty (non-educational) human errors. Attendance money should be separate from teacher's educational notations.
I have a very low tolerance for oppression, exploitation and unreasonable demands on employees. Though my employer pays a good salary with good benefits, there is an American public at large that is getting ripped off of decent wages and benefits. It does not take a rocket scientist to figure this out when people think $12/hour is a good wage. That was true in the '70s, but that same wage in the next millenium is ludicras, especially when the present cost of a two bedroom bungalow is nearly a half a million bucks in California. This sucks, and we're accepting this lot in life like blind helpless sheep. This scares the shit out of me because holocaust come out of this apathy. When are the American people going to take charge over ruthless employers?
I have to get my injuries/disabilities taken care of first. Then I will likely, simply move on to another job because with the restrictions I will have when I return, this employer shows no interest in "reasonably accomodating" me which they should according to the American Disability Act. In my heart, I think I should fight this; but my head said you can't win "fighting City Hall" so to speak. However, I have seen and heard colleagues at many different schools and friends at other places of business talk that somebody should do something to make someone pay or at least make changes. Sometimes I am that person to get change set in motion. May be I will be that person in this case. Who out there would support me?
I am not a Retail Clerk or Walmart fan for how badly they treat their employees, nor am I a Sears fan for that matter of NAFTA out sourcing. If I were an employer, I would demand the State of California reduce its Worker's Comp. cost to business owners, because the people benefitting (from the 40% of every dollar we are paid) are the doctors and the lawyers and the control freaks. It's disgusting. I seriously want to venture into my own business, but business has to change. Employers should be able to offer benefit packages with perks and really good pay so they do not have a high attrition rate and so that the economy can be stronger. If people do not have money to dispense and save, lifesyles become stagnant and evaporate. Don't you just hate this, and want to do something about it sometimes?
2 degrees away from boiling,
Kat
Mind you, to get the full picture here, keep in mind that teachers where I work are only allowed to make 3 paperwork mistakes in a month. They get terminated the third month of mistakes. This is all because the State takes away attendance money if auditors see discrepancies like teacher's iniatials, signature, date, homework code and apportionment days or comments like good , bad, redo etc. are not on the student's paper work as well matching the computer forms.
Now I have seen excellent teachers buckle under this pressure. It is enough to create obsessive/compulsive disorders. Technically, I should see if I could find and attorney to start a class action suit against the State on behalf of all of teachers and districts with Alternative Ed. Programs (esp. Charter Schools) who lost revenue over these petty (non-educational) human errors. Attendance money should be separate from teacher's educational notations.
I have a very low tolerance for oppression, exploitation and unreasonable demands on employees. Though my employer pays a good salary with good benefits, there is an American public at large that is getting ripped off of decent wages and benefits. It does not take a rocket scientist to figure this out when people think $12/hour is a good wage. That was true in the '70s, but that same wage in the next millenium is ludicras, especially when the present cost of a two bedroom bungalow is nearly a half a million bucks in California. This sucks, and we're accepting this lot in life like blind helpless sheep. This scares the shit out of me because holocaust come out of this apathy. When are the American people going to take charge over ruthless employers?
I have to get my injuries/disabilities taken care of first. Then I will likely, simply move on to another job because with the restrictions I will have when I return, this employer shows no interest in "reasonably accomodating" me which they should according to the American Disability Act. In my heart, I think I should fight this; but my head said you can't win "fighting City Hall" so to speak. However, I have seen and heard colleagues at many different schools and friends at other places of business talk that somebody should do something to make someone pay or at least make changes. Sometimes I am that person to get change set in motion. May be I will be that person in this case. Who out there would support me?
I am not a Retail Clerk or Walmart fan for how badly they treat their employees, nor am I a Sears fan for that matter of NAFTA out sourcing. If I were an employer, I would demand the State of California reduce its Worker's Comp. cost to business owners, because the people benefitting (from the 40% of every dollar we are paid) are the doctors and the lawyers and the control freaks. It's disgusting. I seriously want to venture into my own business, but business has to change. Employers should be able to offer benefit packages with perks and really good pay so they do not have a high attrition rate and so that the economy can be stronger. If people do not have money to dispense and save, lifesyles become stagnant and evaporate. Don't you just hate this, and want to do something about it sometimes?
2 degrees away from boiling,
Kat
Saturday, January 14, 2006
This can be addictive
It amazes me how sucked in one becomes on a PC and Internet. I attack this key board like there is a really possiblity of finding the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. I search for ways to learn how to get people to come to the site of my blog as if i would like to become famous or imfamous.
I realize that I do not have the content yet for that, but I am putting myself out there. Stop. I need to get something to eat. Breakfast and lunch time have since gone with my cup of coffee upon rising at 9 AM. I'll be back; I'm saving this as a draft at this moment.----------
I am back. The inter-workings of this web and directions to do this or that are for the most part vague. I feel like I am muddling through things, and my guess it that this is the addictive nature of technology. Muddling through things is a valid exploit; however, it is most inefficient. If I were a rich person, I would hire someone to cut through the mire and help me get exactly where I want or need to be. In the mean time, I feel like a junky, searching from link to link to get a fix: to fix my profile on this site, to get more hits on this site, to link to other sites and have them linked to mine. The time is killing me, but then, time is all I have. This is a choice.
I could choose to purge and organize paper files, do my will or tax prep, clean... etc. It is cold and very windy here in the AV and rainy in OC (where my loved one is); so it makes sense to me to do this instead of watching TV. My friends are not on line this fine day. So, I am here at home in the peace & quiet. If this is an addiction, at least I can be thankful that I am not in the gutter in this inclement weather. The cost for this fix is nominal to my phone bill--no where near the price for crack or cocaine. I will need to temper this when I go back to work, and not use it to procrastinate. Seeing how I don't have cable nor subscribe to the paper, this junk ain't a bad thing. It is a learning device. I just would like to get where I could quit my day job to do this, and start a night job doing dance.
Now dance would be an addiction worth having if I could get paid for it and create jobs for other people. At any rate, I seem to be obsessing about this and that: this, blogging stuff and that, getting a dance studio.
Thank you, those of you who are reading this. So far I have made 35 cents. It's a start. I hope someone stays with me to see how this and that evlove.
I realize that I do not have the content yet for that, but I am putting myself out there. Stop. I need to get something to eat. Breakfast and lunch time have since gone with my cup of coffee upon rising at 9 AM. I'll be back; I'm saving this as a draft at this moment.----------
I am back. The inter-workings of this web and directions to do this or that are for the most part vague. I feel like I am muddling through things, and my guess it that this is the addictive nature of technology. Muddling through things is a valid exploit; however, it is most inefficient. If I were a rich person, I would hire someone to cut through the mire and help me get exactly where I want or need to be. In the mean time, I feel like a junky, searching from link to link to get a fix: to fix my profile on this site, to get more hits on this site, to link to other sites and have them linked to mine. The time is killing me, but then, time is all I have. This is a choice.
I could choose to purge and organize paper files, do my will or tax prep, clean... etc. It is cold and very windy here in the AV and rainy in OC (where my loved one is); so it makes sense to me to do this instead of watching TV. My friends are not on line this fine day. So, I am here at home in the peace & quiet. If this is an addiction, at least I can be thankful that I am not in the gutter in this inclement weather. The cost for this fix is nominal to my phone bill--no where near the price for crack or cocaine. I will need to temper this when I go back to work, and not use it to procrastinate. Seeing how I don't have cable nor subscribe to the paper, this junk ain't a bad thing. It is a learning device. I just would like to get where I could quit my day job to do this, and start a night job doing dance.
Now dance would be an addiction worth having if I could get paid for it and create jobs for other people. At any rate, I seem to be obsessing about this and that: this, blogging stuff and that, getting a dance studio.
Thank you, those of you who are reading this. So far I have made 35 cents. It's a start. I hope someone stays with me to see how this and that evlove.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
